By Deborah Schroeder
July 3, 2025
Continued from Part 3…
The Greeks have a number of words for love, whereas English only uses one. Understanding some of
these definitions helps identify the difference between true love and infatuation.
AGAPE refers to unconditional love, or the love of God for a person. We see that unconditional
love expressed in the sacrifice Christ made on the cross. He took upon himself our guilt and sin
and exchanged it for his righteousness. He suffered and died, then rose again to proclaim victory
over sin, death, and satan. He will use that same power to raise us from the dead one day as
well. We have done nothing to deserve that love, and yet it comes to us anyway. This is the
highest form of love: sacrificial, self-giving, unconditional.
EROS refers to sexual passion, or intimate love.
PHILIA involves brotherly love for friends, family, and community.
PHILAUTIA is self-love, expressed in vanity and selfishness, with regard for one’s own happiness
or advantage.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_words_for_love
Infatuation ties to Philautia because it focuses on peripheral things, and expects to receive something
from others. I ignored warning signs that Sam was not a good date because I wanted to experience a
fraternity party. It was a status thing for me. I was given several opportunities to spare myself the
embarrassment of having a date who was so desperate to get out of spending time with me, he got
drunk and fell into a swimming pool! Dating Ben, I ignored some of our foundational differences
because I liked being a “we”. With all the good qualities Ben had, he was not God’s choice for me.
Love requires sacrifice, as in Agape, and is first concerned with meeting the needs of others. It became
more important to spare Art an embarrassment than to see him sweat out the situation. Leaving first
before Karen meant I would probably lose my relationship with Art. But it was what I knew I should do
and what I wanted to do for him. It turned out Art took note of that sacrificial love and knew he did not
want our relationship to end either.
Meditate on I Corinthians 13:4-6, as Paul describes true love. Pay close attention to adjectives used to
paint a picture of real love.
Check out John 10:11, 15:13, and I John 3:16 and note Jesus’ sacrificial love for us.
Pray for God to bring the right person into your life. Don’t hesitate to wait patiently for that person to
come along. And when your paths do cross, examine what’s going on between you—whether each of
you are giving or just receiving—and you will begin to discern true love from infatuation.
