By Deborah Schroeder
July 1, 2025
Continued from Part 2…
One of the great blessings of my life was a mother who shared her wisdom with me. As I prepared to enter college, she encouraged me to date several guys. “Identify the qualities in each of them that you would like in a lifetime marriage partner,” she said. “In the meantime,” she added, “God is at work molding your character and the character of the man He has chosen for you. When the time is right, your paths will cross.”
How was she so sure this was true? My mom drew her strength from the pages of Scripture. She would have known the words from Psalm 139:15-16:
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in secret,
Intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
In your book were written, every one of them,
The days that were formed for me,
When as yet there was none of them. (ESV)
The days of my life were all known by God before I even existed! God saw my entire life journey—start to finish! And here’s what God knew was coming next:
You’ve heard the phrase love at first sight, but that is not always the case. More often than not, love blossoms over time as two people get to know one another.
I met Art Schroeder in a training class at church. I had completed an Associates’ Degree in Secretarial Administration and returned home. My plan was to get a job and save money to move into my own apartment in one year. My parents had recently transferred to another church shortly before I came home. I decided to worship with them and check out the church for myself. A new pastor had come to town who had recently graduated from the seminary, and my parents really liked him. Art had earned a degree to become a Director of Christian Education (DCE). He was currently serving a church-school in another state. The local church to which my parents transferred had recently extended a Call to Art to become their DCE. Art accepted the Call and moved into the area right around the time I began worshipping at the church. The pastor was very outreach oriented. He obtained certification to train laypeople to share their faith in the community, and was eager to build the first training class. Our pastor approached me, along with others, to join this class. It was a 16-week commitment on Tuesdays from 7:00pm to 10:00pm. I wasn’t so sure learning how to go door-to-door in a neighborhood and share the Gospel was my style. But pastor encouraged me to pray about it. I did. And I had no reason not to participate. Sometime before training began, I found a furnished studio apartment, paid first and last month’s rent and moved in.
When I entered the training room that first evening, it looked like 25-30 people filled the room. I seated myself at one of the tables about 10 minutes before class was to begin. Each week we would receive about 40 minutes of training before we would go into the community in teams of 3 (which included a trainer and 2 trainees). And then I heard him.
“Did you ride in on a motorcycle?” someone seated behind me uttered. I wore a belted, red vinyl, knee-length coat with black-vinyl boots. I decided, whoever he was, he was not talking to me. I didn’t respond. “Because you LOOK like you rode in on a motorcycle.” Wha-a-a-a-t? Who starts a conversation like THAT? I didn’t respond a second time, so he persisted with a couple more remarks that finally prompted me to turn around and say, “Who ARE you?” He proudly introduced himself as the new DCE, to which I replied, “How fortunate for all of us.” Training began and then we dispersed in teams to make calls in the neighborhood. While I saw him in subsequent training classes, we said hello and that was about it.
Then our pastor organized a team to promote our denomination’s national youth conference planned the following summer. The team divided into pairs to visit other churches. Our purpose was to raise awareness of the upcoming youth convention and encourage involvement of their youth in this conference. I decided to join this committee, which was mostly comprised of married couples. Art had also joined the committee. Because we were the two singles in the group, our pastor put us together as a traveling team to visit other churches. Our initial encounter in the training class didn’t go over so well. But when I had extended time to talk with Art as we traveled, I got to know him. My impression of him changed. Our first trip to another church involved a 2-hour drive to and from the destination. In the car, we got so caught up in whatever we were discussing that Art kept slowing his speed on the expressway without knowing it. That is until other drivers began honking their horns and giving us hand gestures that made it clear they wanted us to drive faster!
We arrived on time at our destination (because Art did speed up a bit), and the people were very welcoming. Watching Art give his presentation enabled me to see he was a good speaker, he had a sense of humor, and he was motivating and persuasive. I also observed how comfortable he was talking about his faith in Christ and his enjoyment serving the Lord.
But he surprised me when he made reference to his fiancé! I was seated in the pews with a group of women. One of them seated directly behind me leaned forward and whispered, “Congratulations! When are you two getting married?” And I had to say, “I’m not the fiancé. We are members of the same church promoting the national youth conference.” Crickets. Then the woman finally said in a guttural tone, “Ohh.”
Driving home, I felt I needed to tell Art about the exchange I had with one of the church members, in the hope I did not create a negative impression of him. Interestingly, this opened a dialog I did not see coming. Art explained he had a long engagement with someone he met in college. She was now a junior. He recently discovered she was “tutoring” a freshman guy. But that guy served 4 years in the military before entering college. He was closer to Art’s age. Because his fiancé was detaching from him, Art suspected there was more than tutoring going on. He said, “I’m at a crossroad with a major decision to make.” I just listened. “She has been dishonest and unfaithful, not the qualities you want when starting a new life together.” Well, he opened up, so I thought I would do the same. I proceeded to share my current dating relationship with a guy I met during the spring session at college. He graduated and returned home as I did. He called and asked me out shortly thereafter, and we had been dating a few months. But our common ground was only our shared college experience and the friendships we formed there. The more time that passed after graduation, the more I realized we had little in common. On a recent date he said rather mundanely, “eventually we’ll probably get married”. He had never even said I love you, and now he was hinting at marriage? I was surprised at his comment, and not in a good way. I was surprised because I we did not have a common spiritual foundation. I was a Christian and he was an atheist. Art responded rather directly by saying “What are you doing getting involved with a guy like that in the first place?” Some might have wanted him to put a filter on that remark. But my personality is not easily offended. I paid attention to his words, because I felt he was looking at the root cause. I liked that. I went home and really thought about why I was involved with a college friend with whom I shared little common ground and no spiritual foundation. Art dropped me off at my apartment, and drove home. In my apartment I began praying. I told the Lord I needed to stop dating a guy just to date, and without concern for where we must have common ground. I wanted to take a closer look at a man’s character. I knew Art was engaged, but I asked the Lord if Art and I could build a friendship. And the Lord must have smiled, because He already knew how much more was to come. I severed ties with the guy I was dating, thought back to my mom’s comments, and waited on God.
At the same time, Art made plans to go home for the weekend so he could meet up with his fiancé on campus. He ended the engagement and returned to his parent’s home with the engagement ring in hand. His father and mother were relieved at the break-up. And his father’s response surprised me. “Are you ready for some sound advice, or do you want to go make another mistake?” Art acknowledged he was ready for advice. “Go back and invite that Debbie Freiberg (maiden name) out on a date.” I had never met Art’s dad. But I have enjoyed seeing the positive mark his dad left on my husband, and I cannot wait to meet him one day in Glory. I have no idea what prompted him to put my name out there. But I have lived with the benefits of his words for 52 years.
Several weeks later, Art called on a Saturday afternoon to see if I was available that evening. He said he wanted to discuss something with me. I didn’t have plans, and I immediately assumed this had something to do with our mutual involvement on the committee to promote the youth conference. It seemed like an odd time to have a meeting, but I wasn’t busy. “I’m available. Come on over,” I said. And he arrived around 8:00pm. My apartment building had a security system. Guests had to press a buzzer and the resident had to release the exterior door to allow the guest to enter the building. My apartment was on the second floor. Another locked door was at the end of my floor. I had to open that door for my guest. I released the exterior door and Art climbed the stairs to the second floor where I met him as I opened the door into the hall. My studio apartment was small but cute. The walls were white. The carpet was Kelly green. And the L-shaped sofa beds were covered with a bold black and white print, to look more like 2 sofas during the day, while they became twin beds at night. A black side chair with wood trim coordinated with a round table and 4 chairs near the kitchenette. Louvered doors closed off the kitchen area from the rest of the room. Near the entrance to the apartment was a full bath and 2 large closets. I had several snacks and soft drinks ready on my round table, and invited him to have a seat on one of the sofas. We chatted casually for about an hour as I waited for him to get to the topic he wanted to discuss. But I finally got tired of waiting and decided to ask, “What is it you wanted to discuss?” All of a sudden, Art became flushed and cleared his throat. He looked nervous. “I’m no longer engaged,” he began. “I met with her last weekend, and we broke up. It was the right thing to do.” “I’m sorry you had to go through that,” I said. But if I’m going to be honest, I knew there was now the possibility that we could form a friendship. And I was glad about that.
“I was wondering if you would like to go out with me sometime?” Art asked. “Sure!” I said without hesitation. I wondered if he would make a plan right then. But he didn’t. We chatted a little longer, and then he thanked me for the opportunity to come over, said good night with a smile, and left. He waited 3 weeks before he called to invite me to dinner. But after that first date, we began seeing each other as often as we could. We discovered there was a large comfort level between us. It was easy to converse on numerous topics. We had a lot in common. We grew up with similar values. Our spiritual foundation was in sync.
In his role as DCE, Art was responsible for the development and implementation of education programs for children, teens, and adults. Therefore, he organized a weekly Bible study group for young adults in the 18-25 age range. We were a group of about 12-15 young men and women who all had jobs and our own apartments or rentals. Each week we rotated apartments to host the group as Art facilitated each weekly discussion. After we studied God’s Word and had a time of prayer together, refreshments were served and we socialized awhile. During that time Art and I built solid friendships with other members of our small group.
Winters were sometimes brutal in our state, and this particular year it was exceptionally cold. One week I recall a lot of ice on the roads as Art and I drove to the host’s home in an older downtown neighborhood. The parking lot behind their house accommodated cars for several homes on the block. It was very difficult walking uphill on ice from the parking lot to the sidewalk leading to their front door. As I took a seat in the living room with other young adults, Art selected a centralized chair. As we were about to begin, a female walked in the door that Art appeared to know. “Hi Karen (not her real name)!” he said, with a little more enthusiasm than I thought was necessary. “Come sit by me right here,” he added, pointing to an ottoman. Hmm.
Class went well, and no one was particularly eager to venture out into the bitter cold weather. But gradually, we all said good night and filed out. Art said to me, “Go ahead to the car. I will meet you there shortly.” That was not unusual, as he sometimes stayed behind to talk with someone who had a question. But it was a little odd, because we were already outside at this point. I was unaware of anyone needing his attention. But I slowly trod across the ice to the back parking lot, and was relieved when I could get off that slippery pavement and into the car. It was more than a few minutes later that Art hopped into the driver’s seat and started the engine. “What took you so long?” I asked. “Oh, didn’t I tell you?” he inquired, as if it was just a casual thing. “I’m also dating Karen. I thought you knew.” Huh? “Uh, no. I didn’t know. How long has this been going on?” He said, “A few months. When I broke off my engagement, I decided it might be a good idea to date more than one person.” I had begun declining offers to go out with other guys. I most enjoyed spending time with Art. I thought he felt the same way. I wasn’t thrilled with his decision, but I had to admit he made no commitment to me. He was free to do what he wanted. But I was both surprised and disappointed.
Fast forward to the next young adult Bible study. Art was scheduled to both host and facilitate at his apartment. I decided to wear my suede mini skirt with black turtleneck top and black tights. Karen was a nurse and came to class right from work in her nurse’s uniform. Art arranged the furniture and extra chairs so our group could be seated in an oval. Art was seated at one end of the oval, and Karen and I were seated on opposite sides of the other end of the oval—like a triangle. From what I could gather, Karen had a great personality, a strong work ethic, and was clearly interested in Art. As our study/prayer time concluded, everyone began gathering in the kitchen as they enjoyed chips and soft drinks. I visited a while in the kitchen and headed for the bathroom to wait out everyone leaving. I wanted time alone with Art. Karen must have had the same idea. I could hear her talking with Art in the kitchen as she cleaned up. She lingered as well. And I was getting tired of waiting in his small bathroom. I eventually emerged and walked quietly down the hall to the living room. The kitchen was next to the living room and by the front door. Art nervously walked into the living room and said, “You’re not leaving, are you?” Seeing the perspiration on his face (in the winter), I was tempted to stay and make him figure out what he was going to do with 2 women in his apartment. He added, “Because I’d really like YOU to stay.” I replied with a frostbitten tone, “Fine. All you have to do is tell HER good night.” “I don’t know how to do that!” was his honest response.
It was at that point that I knew I loved Art Schroeder. While it was tempting to make him sweat out the circumstances, I experienced a stronger emotion. I did not want him to find himself in an awkward situation. I could relieve him of that pressure. I could leave first. I said, “It’s not a problem. I can leave.” And I put on my coat and said good night to both of them.
Climbing into my car and heading back to my apartment, the tears began to roll. I realized tonight was probably the last night I would be dating Art. Our relationship was over. I began praying that I would focus on the wonderful experience of dating a Christian man, and leave it at that. Back home in my apartment, I got ready for bed and tried to fall asleep. It took a couple hours for me to sleep, but after I finally drifted off, my intercom buzzed. Assuming someone was pulling a prank, I ignored it. But the buzzer went off a second time. I climbed out of bed and went to my window to see if any familiar cars were parked in the lot. My pastor’s second car, a compact model, was parked there! What did my pastor want to see me about at this hour? I figured it was a family emergency. I answered the intercom. “It’s me,” Art said. “May I come in? I need to talk to you.” “Now?” I answered. “Yes. Now,” Art said adamantly. “Okay. But you’re going to wait a few minutes while I get dressed,” I said. I released the outer door so he could wait inside the building and out of the cold. We had not been dating that long, and I was not about to have him see me with “bed head” and no make-up. I got dressed and re-applied make-up. And he waited outside the interior door on the second floor.
I finally walked down hall, opened the interior door, and led him back to my apartment. “I really didn’t want you to leave first,” Art began. The minute you walked out my door, I knew I could lose you, and I didn’t want that to happen. I told Karen I wasn’t feeling well (which he wasn’t!) and needed to cut the evening short. I then got into my car to drive to your apartment, and my car would not start! So, I ran across the street to Pastor’s house. I got him out of bed, and told him my car would not start and I had an emergency. I needed to borrow is car. Pastor was barely awake but he handed over his car keys and closed his front door.” “You’ve been busy,” I chuckled. I realized he had come to the same conclusion. We didn’t want to lose each other.
To be concluded in Part 4…
